Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
