I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize