Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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