If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
