He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
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