I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Randomize
