There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I'm getting married
To pizza
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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