Old men and throwing up are my life now.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Randomize
