Kareoke will never be a sober sport
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
