it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize