I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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