God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
