So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
There's always time for handjobs
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
