hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
