When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
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