Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
