I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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