I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Floor bacon is actually really good
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Randomize
