Don't make out with my wife yet
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
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