all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Success! We fucked roommates!
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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