brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
