Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
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