Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
