Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
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