he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize