i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
