You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Randomize
