Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
did i walk over a car last night?
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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