I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
