Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
