dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Randomize
