I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
the day after is always just damage control
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Randomize
