i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize