the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
