I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
