i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
