I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
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