I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
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