So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
