I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
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