i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Randomize
