OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
