we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
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