I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Randomize
