Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
