Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
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