Pants 0. Shit 1.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
