I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
