I'll bet she douches with gravy.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize
