evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize