Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
