It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
