they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
