my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
