you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
