ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
