I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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