I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Randomize
