Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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