So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
