sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
