watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Randomize