shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
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