I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Randomize
