I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
