Midget sex pt 2 tonight
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
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