it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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