I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
