i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
