Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
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