Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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