she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
