i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Randomize
