i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
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